Education Archives
Go back to All Archives
Education Archives
#1114
When I taught high school, we had a dean (read “disciplinarian”) who was famous for siding with the teens and not with the teachers. Once, I wrote a lengthy list of the transgressions made by a student named Bruno detailing why he should be expelled from school. I sent him off with it to the dean. Five minutes later, Bruno shows up at my door. The dean had written his own, totally-irrelevant note: “Readmit Bruno to class. His parents don’t like each other.”
#1113
I taught public speaking at Auburn for a couple of years as a grad student and I got some funny ones for why they couldn’t come to class and/or give a speech. Two of my favorites were…
“I have diarrhea today” and “I fell off the bus today”
I think what makes them more funny is the students who said these things. The diarrhea one came via an email that also detailed the awful day they were having on top of having said diarrhea.
#1112
It was summer and I was interviewing with a dean on a college campus. As part of the interview, he and I walked around part of the campus. While walking, the elastic in my panties suddenly snapped, and they fell to my ankles. Fortunately, we were very near a trash can. I stepped out of them, bent down, picked them up and threw them in the trash. Neither of us said a word about what had just happened!
#1111
During my junior year of college I was dreading going to one of my classes because I disliked the professor and the class material. I had already used the “I’m sick” excuse and the “I overslept excuse”, so I needed something good to skip class again. As I was walking to class I remember thinking, “I wish something really harmless but ridiculous would happen to me on the way to class so I could just go home.” As I said that I was walking underneath a tree and that’s when the idea occurred to me.
I went home and emailed my professor, telling him that I couldn’t come to class because as I was on my way, I walked underneath a tree and a bird pooped on my head. I told him that I had to come home right away and shower, and by the time that was all done and over with, there was only 10 minutes left of the 50 minute class. He emailed me later that day and said that he was horrified for me and hoped that I got all of the bird poop out of my hair. To this day I tell my friends who are still in college to use that excuse at least once, it always seems to work and it gains some sympathy!
#1039
As a full time entertainer (magician) I perform in various venues. Last year I was booked to deliver a ‘magical’ graduation ceremony for a elementary school in Northern Virginia (a school I have entertained for several times in the past). Well, as I was on stage performing (about 15 minutes into the act), I bent down to pick up my ‘prop’ for the next magical effect and upon doing so my pants slit right up the middle.
Now keep in mind this is for an elementary school, so you can only imagine how funny they thought my show was… I was able to finish my show - - not as I normally do, but I stood very stationary - - the parents and teachers saw my predicament and this enhanced their laughter factor too!
#1022
My Professor was talking about getting older and said, “At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.” I still laugh when I think about it.
#1021
I was in the library and sitting next to these two people.
“Where do you work”
“Guess”
“I don’t know, I give up, just tell me”
“Guess”
“I don’t want to guess, please just tell me”
“Guess! I work at Guess!”
“Oh! Why didn’t you say so.”
I started laughing and they wondered why, being as no one was sitting next to me. I looked at them and they knew I was laughing at them.
#0006
Several friends and I were in a computer lab chatting with one another via email. My friend next to me wanted to send a message to someone across the room, in a different language - so it’d be funny to receive and difficult for him to read. She went to a translation website and then spoke, “Oh, crap! They don’t have gibberish!” I looked at her and she seemed disappointed. “Yes,” I responded, “that’s because gibberish isn’t a real language.”
#0004
So I was talking with a group of people about grades in school. I was saying how I was worried about one project, which was worth 30% of my final grade. This one person said, “Don’t worry about it, just do well on the other 60% and you’ll be fine!” I said, “Right, because 60 and 30 make 100.” We all started laughing.
#0001
A couple weeks back I began talking with a friend of mine, who asked me how my weekend had gone. I said it was good, and began recounting the events. Then, I said, “Oh, and I took a quiz online.” She looked at me with a perplexed face and asked, “On purpose!?” I immediately began laughing, said yes, and she started laughing as well.
Updated: August 28, 2009
