The very first message from Phil & Steve
Phil Woods and Steve Smith are two comedians that provide weekly content to Laughtub. They look at the funny side of language and why people say the things they do. To get free laughter like this, click here.
Hello all. We’re Phil Woods and Steve Smith, but you can call us Phil and Steve – we’re all friends here! It’s rather good of Laughtub to allow us to communicate with its members only, because this means we’re seen as a luxury item not to be wasted on the riff-raff who don’t subscribe. Rest assured that this has been typed as poshly as possible.
By way of introduction, allow us to introduce ourselves. We are comedy writers from a small island called Great Britain, specifically the England part. It is that funny shaped blob that gets in the way when you try to sail from America to Europe. You know England – it’s where we all drink tea with the Queen while watching soccer and reciting Shakespeare. But we’re not really like that – some of us prefer coffee.
We are always on the lookout for things that make us laugh and we recently had our first book published. The book is a humorous look at language, and sometimes beyond a look and into the realms of a stare, a gaze, a gawp or an ogle at those things we say every day that just don’t make sense if we stop and think about what we’re saying.
We also use our observations to point out and examine those things we all do and say that annoy us. So every week we will be treating you, the fine devotees of Laughtub to some of our exclusive thoughtlets and annotations.
This week we are going to treat you to some excerpts from our book – “Beat About the Bush: The Funny Side of Language”. Chief amongst them being ‘Things that annoy us’. Here are two popular phrases that make us laugh, or perhaps even get us mildly irritated.
“On this very day”
What is a very day? Is it similar to an extremely week or a tremendously month, or even a very first message? Imagine phoning your boss after being ill and saying, “I’m feeling better now so I’ll be back in that very office next extremely week”. People also talk about something once happening “on this very chair in this very room”.
“Thanks in advance”
How annoying! Don’t thank me in advance! Wait until you’ve seen the work I’ve put in to help you, then thank me in proportion to the results. Imagine being in court and saying to the judge before the case has begun, “Thanks in advance for letting me off”. This is unlikely to fill the judge with glee, whereas he is likely to appreciate thanks at the end of the case. It’s the same with me. If all I get is a quick “Thanks in advance”, I’m unlikely to want to put my all into helping.
The book also includes some ‘forgotten sayings’. From the first words ever spoken, right up until the most recent (so that’s from “Let there be light” until “Forgotten Sayings? I wonder what this is about”) language has been used to pass on words of wisdom from one generation to the next. It’s such a shame that many sayings have completely disappeared over time, never to be seen or heard again. Here are some of them:
Eating pins will cause a small child problems.
The shorter you are, the easier it is to clean your feet.
Questions often produce a related response.
A nuclear explosion in a pillowcase is likely to disturb the sleep of those in the next room.
It’s such a shame that they’ve gone forever. Anyway, now we must leave you for another week. Our butler is getting agitated, so before we retire to our tea and crumpets let us remind you that Shakespeare once said: “How now? A rat? Dead, for a ducat, dead!” Something we should all consider next time the rain falls on a kindly neighbour.
We’ll be back next week with another look at language and life.
Phil & Steve
Friday, September 11, 2009
Can you read?
‘Beat About The Bush: The Funny Side of Language’ by Phil Woods and Steve Smith is available now from Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and other good bookshops.
Read Phil and Steve’s Blog here.
